Kamapon (kamapon) wrote,

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Darren Shan

Oh Darren…what have you done….

Have you seen the latest news on the soon-on-theatres Darren Shan Film?....Awful. Not only awful but also ugly. I mean, cast is terrible, the squeezed a whole trilogy in a single film…you’d expect an impressive poster…wrong, it’s, as I said, awful.

It’s going to be on theatres next October….(March for Spain) and I dunno if I’ve got the guts to pay 7€ for this, being the Darren Shan Freak I am U_U (and that reminds me I’ve got to get the two latest books from Demonata).

Review in this website can’t be worse, let me quote:
Translation in bold (because I know Inny won’t be able to go through all that text without yawning:

Si hay algo que vende este año son los vampiros, y más concretamente los vampiros destinados a un público más jovencito. Algún despistado caerá en la ‘trampa’ promocional de un film que la Universal Pictures no va a dejar que se le escape ni un sólo dólar de la taquilla americana, y para eso ya ha cambiado dos cosas: el título y la fecha de estreno.
If something’s selling well this year is Vampires, more precisely vampire stories destined to a young audience. Some will surely step in the “trap” put by Universal Pictures who’s not going to let go a single dollar from the American boxes. For that, two things have been changed, both the title and the opening day
‘The Vampire´s Assistant’ es la anteriormente conocida como ‘Cirque Du Freak’, nueva película de Paul Weitz (’American Pie’, ‘American Dreamz’) sobre un adolescente que sin querer rompe una tregua que ha subsistido durante 200 años entre dos bandas de vampiros. Este semi-blockbuster de 80 millones de presupuesto es la adaptación de la primera entrega de una trilogía literaria cuya segunda novela se llama así ‘The Vampire´s Assistant’. La decisión de intercambiar los títulos se ha debido a algo evidente: meter ‘vampiro’ en el cartel, que lo de ‘Cirque du Freak’ sonaba a ‘Circo del Sol’.
”The Vampire’s Assistant” formerly known as “Cirque du Freak” is the latest Paul Weitz’s film, about a teenager who unconsciously breaks 200 years truce between two vampire clans. This eighty-million-blockbuster-wannabe is based on the first issue of a literally trilogy, being the name of the second novel “The Vampire’s Assistant”. The change of the name for the poster is obvious: squeeze the word Vampire in because “Cirque du Freak” sounds as “cirque du soleil”

Pero no sólo a eso se atreve la Universal, y si bien su estreno en los USA se programaba para Enero del 2.010, el Estudio la cambia al próximo mes de Octubre y aprovechar las ganas que tiene el público de chupasangres antes del desembarco de ‘New Moon’, curiosamente dirigida por otro hermano Weitz, Chris, y que va a arrasar con todo.
Lo que nadie le quita es su gran casting (John C. Reilly, Willem Dafoe, Ray Stevenson, Salma Hayek, Ken Watanabe, Jane Krakowski ) y un guión de Brian Helgeland +(’Mystic River’, ‘Payback’, ‘El Ultimatum de Bourne’), suficiente para no tomarla como una copia barata de un telefilm de serie B. El primer póster, que se lanza hoy, no le hace nada de justicia.

But Unversal not only dares to do that but also change its premiere in the USA, scheduled in January 2010 now it’s going out next October so it can take advantage of the bloodsucker lovers before “New Moon” is on cinemas.
We can’t say it’s got a bad cast, though, (John C. Reilly, Willem Dafoe, Ray Stevenson, Salma Hayek, Ken Watanabe, Jane Krakowski ) and a Brian Helgeland script (’Mystic River’, ‘Payback’, ‘Bourne’s Ultimatum’ ) , but is barely enough for it fot not to be mistook for a Z series film. The first poster, released today doesn’t do it justice

Okay then, here’s my opinion. First, this reviewer has not the slightest idea of what the Darren Shan saga is. Truce? Since when in the Darren Shan universe there’s been a truce between Vampires and Vampaneze? (Oh my, poor Kurda, really).
Surely those of you who’s not read the saga will have little interest in reading this, because I’ll be complaining about Darren Shan and yadda yadda.
Sad thing is that those likes make me think the film is going to be shit and though the author himself looks very very pleased with the result of the recording, I couldn’t help but wince everytime I got news about the film. Starting from the cast, something terribly different from the original (and scarce) descriptions the books give to the plot…not only they made three books into one film, but they also included characters from books 4, as they introduce Gavner in this one (Yup, Inny, I know he’s shown before that, but it’s a mere “hi!” and I don’t think the’ll be paying Willem for a line).
I won’t go rating about characterisation, actually, most of you know by now how they look if you’ve been following my fanarts for some time (years^^u). Darren himself linked my site to his before it was redone to fit the Demons in, I’ve been told in forums and galleries my pictures do like the same as everybody thought the characters looked like…which is not how they do in the film.
So, as I don’t like the screencaps I’ve seen and I’m not going to like the plot for sure, I’m terribly sorry to say I’m not going to waste a single cent for this. It’s a pity because this was the chance for the books to be translated into Spanish, (actually, one of the few countries in where these books have not been published is Spain) and everybody could then enjoy the adventures of these odd vampires (now I wonder if they’ll give them fangs and they’ll keep the nails original idea…maybe they made them undead).
I’ve enjoyed every single book in the Vampire’s Saga written by Darren, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve yawned with specially boring parts, I’ve made tons of fanarts (I’m a referenced fanartist in this fandom) and I impatiently waited for each book’s release date and wondered when looking at the cover, what was it trying to illustrate.
And I think I should reread the whole saga (12 books, not a trilogy, you see, as it’s said in the review), and forget about the film and act as if it never existed.

Damn, and I wanted straysayu to go dressed up as Evra...XD

EDIT: Trailer here:

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